Anger, like any other emotion, is just ‘energy in motion’that needs to move through our system.
Anger is neither good or bad, positive or negative. It’s just an emotion, and all emotions, at their core level are NEUTRAL. It’s our response to those emotions that are constructive or destructive, in alignment or not in alignment.
It’s not the emotion in itself that’s healthy or unhealthy; it’s our relationship to that emotion that is.
What if we got curious about where the fear or guilt around anger comes from?
Is there any societal, cultural, or familial conditioning around anger that could’ve led you to believe that it’s “wrong” or “scary” to experience anger? (YES)
Were you told to get over it? Or that you’re a bad person for experiencing anger? Or to stay away from “angry people”?
Or maybe you grew up around someone with anger issues and only know anger as a dark force? Or that anger makes or breaks a relationship?
(Anger doesn’t, we do, when we don’t learn to own, process, and express it constructively)
Often, people are scared to own and experience “negative” emotions because of some deep-seated conditioning around what that experience LOOKS like.
As long as we can learn to own, process, and communicate (constructively) anger where necessary, it doesn’t have to turn into this scary, destructive force that you believe it is.
In fact, like all emotions, anger often comes with a message: that a boundary has been crossed.
If you don’t know what your boundaries are or have never worked on them, use anger as an opportunity to figure out your boundaries.
What is it that felt out of line? What triggered you? What is it that he or she did that brought up something for you?
Daughters of toxic mothers often struggle with anger because they believe they are not allowed to be angry about how they were treated. The result: they internalise their anger, and often, it translates into toxic behaviours and habits.
It’s okay to feel angry for the trauma you experienced. Your anger is valid. It’s a normal response to your experience. It’s okay to acknowledge your anger and allow it to move through you.
Anger turns “bad” when you don’t own it and dig deeper. When you stop the emotional alchemy of anger and suppress it. Over time, it builds up and there’s an explosion. That’s the destructive and scary bit.
Bottomline - We must learn to sit with anger. Instead of imploding or exploding, suppressing or projecting, we need to get curious about the emotion and its message.
Don’t avoid anger. Befriend it. Like anything else, the more you resist anger, the more it persists and has power over you.
I want to hear from you.
Were you ever taught how to process anger?
What is it about anger that scares you and where does the fear come from?