Growing up in a dysfunctional environment taught me that I was responsible for those around me.
It also taught me that their needs were more important. I learned to adapt to situations really well, even those that weren’t very healthy.
Subconsciously, I began to take on the role of a fixer-upper.
The one who’s meant to be everyone’s cheerleader. The one’s who goes lengths to make it okay for others.
The one who‘s always finding solutions.
The one who’s constantly helping and showing up for others, because at least someone’s showing up for them.
That’s the more saintly thing to do, right?
*shakes her head*
For me, this pattern started when I was conditioned to feel responsible for my mom’s suffering. I kept showing up for her even though she took no step towards her own well-being.
Not surprising at all, I showed up the same way in other relationships too.
Deep down, I would feel resentment towards people, as if they “made” me show up for them. No, I chose to, at the expense of myself.
It would leave me feeling terribly drained and depleted, and I would talk myself out of it by convincing myself that I was some kind of a super woman.
Internally, it kept reinforcing that my needs are secondary and that people “should” know better not to burden me.
Can you relate?
In my healing journey, I learned that when we keep showing up for those who fail to or aren’t ready to show up for themselves, whatever may be the reason, we do no good to ourselves or them.
Not only do we keep losing a sense of ourselves, we also indirectly keep them from growing and healing.
We keep them from taking responsibility, by accepting to be responsible for them.
Often, there’s a part of ourselves that we are avoiding when we put ourselves in this position. It could be a deep fear of confrontation and/or abandonment.
It sure is painful, but sometimes we have to see people wilt before they begin to bloom. If they choose to bloom.
It was hard for me to wrap my head around it then but I can’t seem to see it any other way now.
Did this resonate with you? Tell me in the comments sections below.