I guided one of my clients through an exercise which made her realise that she had this built-up hatred towards her mother. In her own words, it “scared her shitless.”
Coming to terms with intense “negative” emotions towards your mother is scary. It is uncomfortable. It makes you feel like there’s something wrong with YOU for having these emotions.
But you are not the problem. Your emotions are not the problem. It’s our multi-layered conditioning, that is. It shames the children for experiencing these emotions towards their one and only who gave first to them.
From the moment we’re born, we are told this myth about mothers - that they are wholly and entirely capable of loving us, caring for us, and supporting us the way we need, and that we can depend on them.
Unfortunately, that is not true, and some of us know this ugly secret from the kind of childhood we’ve experienced.
Part of healing is to give words to and process those unexpressed emotions of your inner child. To validate and legitimise your truth.
These emotions signal to you the unmet needs of your inner child - the one who was abandoned, neglected, forced to grow up too soon.
If you want to heal and let go, let your inner child have her feelings. Let yourself, once and for all, speak and own these feelings in a safe space.
Maybe you didn’t recognise these emotions in the past. You didn’t know what to do with them, so your defences came up, and you learned to do what was needed to survive.
Today, as an adult, you get to look back (with guidance), and access + unfreeze these painful emotions. To feel + move them.
It’s okay to feel hatred towards your mother for things she did or did not do. It’s okay to grieve your childhood and family of origin.
I always remind my clients, if they choose the path of forgiveness, that feeling and voicing the pain from their past is step one. It’s imperative to their healing.
Real forgiveness comes from first letting yourself have your feelings, finding the love and compassion for yourself, and then extending it outwards.
Hold yourself and let yourself be held through this terribly uncomfortable process. There is wisdom waiting to reveal itself.