What you don’t heal with your parents

Updated: Oct 3

No matter how old you are today, if you experienced deep emotional pain in your childhood and haven’t healed it, your wounded inner child is crying for help and is still in pain. ⠀⠀

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This is the pain that over time, you learned to distract from or numb, and want to believe isn’t affecting you as much as it is. ⠀⠀

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In a parent-child relationship, parents are meant to give and children are meant to receive. ⠀⠀

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When this dynamic is affected, leaving the child’s needs unmet, she will unconsciously expect and seek from her partner what she did not or could not receive from her parents. ⠀⠀

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When these needs remain unmet in romantic relationships, her wounded inner child continues to cry, wanting to be seen, heard, and held. ⠀⠀

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Continuing to act from that deeply wounded space, she might unconsciously recreate history and remain stuck in old toxic patterns. ⠀⠀

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Healing your relationship with your parents has more to do with you healing your inner child and less to do with you changing them or changing who you are for their approval. ⠀⠀




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The real shift happens when you realise that no one but you can provide for yourself what your parents could not. ⠀⠀

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You learn to honour those unmet needs in healthy and supportive ways, essentially mothering your wounded inner child + building a trustworthy relationship with her. ⠀⠀

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You begin to show up in your relationship with your parents as an adult, rather than a wounded child. ⠀⠀

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When you lean into this understanding and embrace the unhealed parts of your with love and compassion, you release your partner from the unconscious expectation of being your parent; a role they cannot fulfill. ⠀⠀

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Healing your relationship with your parents is about softening rather than forgetting. Taking responsibility rather than blaming. Accepting rather than resisting.⠀⠀

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It is possible to heal your relationship with your parents even without contact (no contact) or if they’re no longer alive. ⠀⠀

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Over time, as you process old pain and learn to soften, towards yourself, your past, and all those involved, you lay the foundation for a more loving, freeing, and fulfilling relationship with your partner.⠀

x Manasi

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